It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
