I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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