Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
