you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
