WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
