My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize