so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
