K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
