Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
