all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
