enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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