it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So many bounce houses so little time
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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