Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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