college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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