I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
