Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
