i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
