I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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