I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize