STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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