burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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