the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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