i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
