No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
