I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
