kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
