I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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