please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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