I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
