Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
either way he was missing a nipple.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
