I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
