Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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