Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
