Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
