Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
