bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
