He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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