Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Holy shit dude........stairs
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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