I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
