I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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