dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
