Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
