Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
