you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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