Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she woke up with a sticky ear
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
