I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
