i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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