There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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