The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We need to rekindle our bromance
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
