Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
