this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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