I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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