addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
