I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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