O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
