Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
