I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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