Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
