i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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