you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
