Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
