Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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