i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
