just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize