we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
