my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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