I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
